It looked like a set from the BBC series Line Of Duty with a blizzard of sticky notes stuck to every wall of the home office. But Nik Bunney wasn’t trying to solve a crime; he was trying to solve himself. Now, more than five years on from that scene at his house in Essex, the City stockbroker-turned-author has used his research to write a book with a compelling message: taking control of your own mental health is as simple as ABC. “It’s ABCD to be accurate,” laughs the 41-year-old father-of-two. “Authenticity, balance, consistency and discipline.” ABCD: Finding Happiness Through Awareness, Values, Principles, And Actions is designed as a handbook for everyone who’s in the same place that Nik was – feeling overwhelmed, anxious and trapped.
Nik Bunney is the author of ABCD: Finding Happiness Through Awareness, Values, Principles, And Actions
(Image: Supplied)
Having decided to take stock and change his life, he set about reading everything he could about philosophy, self-help and therapy. He soon realised similar themes emerged again and again when it came to mental wellbeing. “I’m just a bloke with a story people can relate to – but I am the happiest I’ve been in many years,” he says. “Hopefully this book can provide a framework to help others.” A is for Authenticity Time to assess what you’re in control of and let go of the rest. “Really, all we have control over are our own thoughts and actions. Not other people’s actions or opinions, not the promotion at work or the weather or the news,” explains Nik. “Many of us do what we do due to external factors, too – parents, friends, peers, colleagues, even social media. But you have to ask what is best for you? We need to focus on only the things we can control.” Nik advises listing the areas of your life that are important to you, from family, goals and values to problems and worries, and then assess which you are actually responsible for.
Nik encourages people to make lists of the parts of their lives that are important to them
(Image: GETTY)
“Think of what’s happening right now, not what’s gone on in the past or what may happen in the future. You may not be able to control what happens next but you can enjoy what’s happening now. “You will immediately see there’s less to worry about than you thought.” B is for Balance “Nobody on their deathbed ever wished they had worked more,” says Nik, “yet we’re busier than ever and overwhelmed trying to fit everything in. “Despite what the shiny coating on social media portrays, it may not be possible to be the CEO of a company, to have a six-pack and still be home to eat with the family every night.” Nik advises drawing up a plan of an average week, recording everything from the moment you wake up, and then evaluating what free time you have to achieve your objectives.
Thinking about what matters the most in our lives and making time for those things is important, says Nik
(Image: GETTY)
“Picture what you could reasonably move or change to create time for what matters. Could you write that book on the commute rather than scroll through social media? Prep meals in advance so you can get to that piano lesson?” And remember those authentic goals and values? List them, assess how progress in each will affect progress in the others, then imagine each has its own dial you can move up or down to find that balanced spot. C is for Consistency It’s an old saying that the best way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time. The key? Keeping consistent. And the good news is that according to Nik, most of the time consistency trumps talent. “We become the sum of what we do every day,” he explains. That’s not to say it’s easy to be consistent when life gets in the way but the trick might be to break large objectives down to smaller sizes or sub goals and then visualise how smaller steps add up to what you want to achieve. It’s far less scary that way and easier to keep things going. Any journey starts with a small step.”
Nik is on a mission to help anyone who may be feeling anxious or overwhelmed
(Image: Supplied)
Nik has created a handbook to show that taking care of our mental health is as easy as ABC
(Image: Supplied)
D is for Discipline And it can also be for dopamine – the happy hormone – often released when people go through challenges such as childbirth or running a marathon. “You need to keep yourself challenged. Challenge brings joy and, once you know what’s important, you have to be disciplined about upholding it,”explains Nik. He recommends habit tracker apps or setting reminders on your phone to keep yourself accountable. “It’s important to record progress. You’re more likely to have discipline if you see results so keep a journal or spreadsheet to record how far you’ve come. You’ll honestly see there’s a lot to be thankful for – if you look hard enough.” ABCD by Nicholas Bunney (Nicholas Bunney Publishing, £14.99) is available at Amazon. Follow him on Instagram @abcd_nicholas_bunneyStory SavedYou can find this story in My Bookmarks.Or by navigating to the user icon in the top right.Follow OK! MagazineFacebookTwitterMore OnHealth
