Novelist Winnie M Li was assaulted and raped by a teenage boy while hiking near Belfast 15 years ago. Her story recently went viral after she revealed that each year, on the anniversary of the attack, she goes on a solo hike to help her deal with the PTSD (post- traumatic stress disorder) she has since suffered. The author, now in her early forties, was 29 at the time of the attack, which she used as the basis for her first novel. Distressing experiences, from bullying or bereavement to violence or abuse, can have a lasting impact and the past plays a big part in the problems we face later in life. Feeling the effects of trauma isn’t necessarily about coping with a single event, says clinical psychologist Jessamy Hibberd.
Trauma can challenge how we experience our lives, says clinical psychologist Jessamy Hibberd
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“People associate the word trauma with being shot or having come out of a life-threatening situation,” she says. “But trauma can stem from any deeply distressing or disturbing experience that causes emotional and physical pain and which then challenges our beliefs and how we understand and live our lives.” In her book, How to Overcome Trauma And Find Yourself Again, she says the secret of dealing with such events is to understand and take ownership of them. “Life is short. It feels difficult to confront the upsetting things from our past, but once out of the stage of feeling overwhelmed, there’s so much you can do to move on, no matter how tough that may feel at the time,” says Dr Hibberd. Sophie Dear, 37, from London, says confronting her past helped reshape how she lived. “I’d had debilitating insomnia since I was a teenager. It was only through therapy that I recognised I’d actually experienced trauma – in my case coping with my father’s cancer treatment in childhood. As well as sleeplessness I had other symptoms like heart palpitations and IBS (irritable bowel syndrome). I was the definition of a ‘coper’, until I didn’t sleep for three nights straight and found myself on set in my job in TV, almost hallucinating. “My GP recommended therapy. For the first time I wasn’t just taking sleeping pills but confronting the root cause for my breakdown. I was shown that my sensitivity was actually a superpower. I’d never thought of myself as a trauma victim; my dad’s still alive, after all. But validation of my experiences was an important step and now my life and health is transformed.”
Sophie suffered from insomnia and was recommended therapy by her GP
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Your trauma toolkit Dr Jessamy Hibberd talks us through seven steps to help overcome the past Self-care comes first Give yourself some essential maintenance. Sleep, nutrition, and hydration are so important. Alongside hope and social support, these are the foundations for your journey to overcoming trauma. Body MOT Many people use alcohol, drugs or even screen time to numb past experiences, but that keeps you stuck in “avoidance mode”. Trauma affects us physically – your body is responding to threat. Learn to feel safe again by exercising and using breathing or grounding techniques.
Self-care, such as sleep and good nutrition, should come first when it comes to health and wellbeing
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Looking back to look forwards Seeing what’s shaped your current thoughts can help you understand your emotions. Certain situations may trigger a disproportionate response, so think about why you act like that. Was your behaviour learnt early on in life? Understanding your own experiences and developing a more healthy and rational adult coping mode will help. Coping techniques Teach yourself to understand your emotions. Take ownership of the impact of the trauma on your life, and then take direct action to change things. Making sense of your experience will help you find ways to soothe your emotions. Telling your story Trauma may have shattered your fundamental assumptions about life, but when you write or talk about what’s happened it can help to create shape out of the mess and give words to painful experiences. Consolidating your memories will also make them less likely to pop up on you unexpectedly.
Developing a ‘trauma toolkit’ can help people move on
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Grieving, letting go and acceptance You’ve got to grieve for your losses and make space for what you’ve gained. You’re not saying, “Oh, it doesn’t matter”, but accepting that you can’t change the past. Make your life about “redemption” – something difficult happened, but good came out of it – rather than a “contamination” story where things went wrong and life got worse. There’s truth in both versions; you can choose which one to focus on. Becoming yourself This stage is when you can consciously choose how you want your future to be – what do you want to do with your life? When you start to make active choices things will evolve and change. How To Overcome Trauma And Find Yourself Again by Dr Jessamy Hibberd (Aster, £16.99) is out now and can be purchased from stores including Amazon and WHSmith READ MORE: Click here for today’s top showbiz news ‘Getting diagnosed with skin cancer at 27 taught me that life isn’t a dress rehearsal’ 5 immune boosters to avoid the new Covid from plums to oysters ‘I ‘sensehacked’ by disconnecting and doodling – I’m more energised than ever’ Visit climate cafes and complete green challenges to keep eco anxiety at bay Story SavedYou can find this story in My Bookmarks.Or by navigating to the user icon in the top right.Follow OK! MagazineFacebookTwitterMore OnHealth
