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Privacy NoticeRuth Hanna, 40, was loving life in Spain and settling into motherhood when she began worrying obsessively about her baby boy’s health and believing she had somehow harmed him. Alarmingly, she had developed Postpartum Psychosis (PPP), a condition which very nearly cost her her life. As we mark Parent Mental Health Day, she opens up to OK! about her frightening experience, how ECT (known as ‘electric shock’ treatment) saved her and why she is raising awareness. “My son Koa was born in September 2019 and after a straightforward pregnancy, I felt really lucky. But in February, I stopped sleeping and suddenly became obsessed with the fear that Koa was sick. I’d fixate on little things, like whether his fingers were too curled in, and worried he wasn’t developing properly.
Ruth Hanna developed developed Postpartum Psychosis shortly after giving birth
(Image: Supplied)
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I saw a nurse, who prescribed diazepam to calm me down, and my mum came to Spain, where we lived, to sleep on the sofa, but my behaviour escalated. My husband Jamie, 46, was working on an oil rig in Mexico, but at night I’d pace the flat, saying Koa would be taken off us or that we’d injured him and would go to jail. Somehow I went through the motions of feeding, bathing and dressing him, so things looked fairly normal from the outside, but I wasn’t sleeping or eating. I was having panic attacks and would lie on the floor, crying. After an intense two-weeks like this, something horrific happened. I have a blurry memory of getting up around 5am one morning, checking on Koa and mum, before getting in the car in my pyjamas. I had no shoes on, but drove along the motorway, before parking on the hard shoulder and getting out. All I remember next is lights, and hearing someone say ‘get her a blanket,’ then waking up in hospital. I later discovered I’d walked out in front of a lorry, and that I was lucky to survive. I had very deep cuts, wounds on my foot and needed stitches in my head.
“I was lucky to survive,” says Ruth
(Image: Supplied)
Ruth with her husband Jamie and their son Koa
(Image: Supplied)
That day I was transferred to a psychiatric ward, where I spent hours waiting in a wheelchair to be assessed. I was still wearing a hospital gown, had a huge wound on my foot and blood in my hair. Eventually I was admitted, but with no furnishings and walls topped with barbed wire, it felt like prison. Thankfully though, Jamie flew home and four days later I was discharged into his care, while psychiatrists visited a few times a week. But they struggled to find the right medication, and my paranoia continued. I didn’t want to go back into hospital without Koa, but then a friend told Jamie about the UK’s mental health wards that are specially designed for mums to be with their babies while they have treatment. Jamie arranged for me to be admitted to a Mother and Baby Unit in Glasgow, and that May he drove us to Scotland. I barely remember the journey, but he says it was miserable, and that I kept pleading with him to turn back. In hospital, I was diagnosed with Postpartum Psychosis (PPP), a life threatening mental health condition that disrupts a woman’s sense of reality. Doctors tried different doses of medication and I had therapy too, but my symptoms didn’t improve and ECT was suggested. We were very wary, but Jamie eventually gave permission because he thought it was my only chance of getting better, and we’re beyond grateful he did. I had 18 treatments and about halfway through, he saw flickers of hope that the old me would come back.
Ruth volunteers with charity Action on Postpartum Psychosis to help raise awareness
(Image: Supplied)
I was discharged five months later, in October 2020, and we returned to Spain. Although I was still on medication, I slowly started to feel like myself again and in September 2021 I went back to work. Koa, who’s now four, started nursery too, and I later quit teaching so Jamie and I could start our own solar panel business. Looking back, it was a very scary, intense time, and we’ve decided not to have more children because of the risk of it happening again. We’re keen to raise awareness too, so I volunteer with charity Action on Postpartum Psychosis (app-network.org), to help others who are struggling. It shocks me that antenatal classes don’t talk about PPP – we know about the baby blues, but they need to discuss the more worrying signs, like manic behaviour and a distorted sense of reality. I believed Koa was incredibly sick, and that he was going to be taken away from me. PPP affects around 1 in 1,000 women and I would say to anyone, keep pushing if you think something isn’t right.” Symptoms of postpartum psychosis Symptoms of postpartum psychosis can include: Confusion Mania Being unable to sleep Delusions Hallucinations If you have been affected by the issues discussed in this article and needpeer support, information or advice, Action on Postpartum Psychosis has information on how to access help here.Story SavedYou can find this story in My Bookmarks.Or by navigating to the user icon in the top right.Follow OK! MagazineFacebookTwitterCommentMore OnReal LifeHealth
